It’s time for a Pride Month episode! Today Allison Moon and I are talking all things fingering! I listened to her on the Honeydew Me Podcast, and just knew I had to have her on.
Who is Allison?
Allison Moon is the author five books, including the critically acclaimed sexual education guide Girl Sex 101 and Getting It: A Guide to Hot, Healthy Hookups and Shame-Free Sex. Moon is a popular sex educator, leading workshops on sexual pleasure and technique, polyamory, LGBTQ+ issues, and more. She has been quoted in Cosmopolitan, New York magazine, and the Washington Post. Her other writing includes the story collection Bad Dyke: Salacious Stories from a Queer Life, articles for Bustle, and stories for the RISK! podcast, Bawdy Storytelling, and various anthologies.
Why do we consider fingering as an immature form of sexuality? We need to start considering hand sex as integral to all sex. We have these amazing dexterous things that can create all kinds of sensations, and we shouldn’t be leaving them behind when we’re exploring sexuality.
What would Allison say is her definition of sex?
It’s mutual, pleasurable, erotic touch. It’s an umbrella term, and there’s so many things that go under that umbrella and that’s part of its joy and value. It’s really a hyper-personal thing, we all have our own sense of what is more or less intimate to ourselves.
How exactly do you finger someone who owns a vagina?
If you want all the detailed info and illustrations, Allison goes over everything in Girl Sex 101. There are a lot of different ways to pleasure a vulva with your hands. The first step she always encourages people to explore is called a pussy hug. You take your whole palm and just cup the vulva. Your partner can either take their body and move against your hand, or you can begin to “smoosh” against your partner’s vulva.
Part of the reason this feels so good is because you're stimulating the internal parts of the clitoris. A good firm (not jabby) pressure can be perfect.
Lube is going to be very important here, you can create so many more sensations with sliding, and everything exterior, and lube is definitely going to make insertion easier.
You should be exploring your partner’s vulva and paying attention. Realize when your partner seems to really like something, and talk with them about the different sensations. Really work on creating a road map of your partner’s pleasure.
If somebody is wanting more fingering, how would Allison suggest they bring it up to their partner?
She recommends having conversations about sex not while you’re having sex. It can really lower the pressure, and it doesn’t feel like you’re scolding someone in the moment. Have the conversation like you have the conversation about anything in a relationship. Focus on more pleasure and more joy, don’t bring negative thoughts or feelings into it.
If you’re trying to build a house, you’re gonna want to have a lot of tools to build that house. You don’t just have a hammer, you need a lot of other things. If you think about sexuality as a larger project, and what are all the things we have to play with, it’s not just a penis and vagina, there are so many other ways to play.
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