130. Erectile Dysfunction, Early & Delayed Ejaculation

Through the process of joining the Sex & Love Co team, I have had more male referrals. Though my work is really centered around women’s sexual health, men’s sexual health is also near and dear to my heart.

There are a number of things that men seek out sex coaching, therapy, counseling for.  I find these to be the most common:
Low or no sexual desire
Early or pre-ejaculation
Erectile dysfunction
Delayed Ejaculation 
Sexual inhibition
Body Dysmorphia 
Social or dating skills needed to be strengthened or learned
Desire for better pleasure or more frequent pleasure
Sexual Trauma

Step one to getting to the solution is going to the doctor.  You need to be sure that there aren’t any physical causes of your sexual concern. You can mention this to your primary care doctor, but the person you’re really going to want to see is a urologist. 

Early Ejaculation
The most common sexual complaint among men under 40. Statistics put the number of men with this concern between 40 and 70 %
A lot of times men complaining about early ejaculation end up in the average window of sex length. The average length of sex including foreplay is 6-14 minutes. The average length of sex from penetration to ejaculation is 5 minutes.
What are the causes?
They can vary from something as subtle as anxiety about performance to something more obvious like a type A personality with self pressuring characteristics.
What can help?
SSRI’s  that list decreased sexual desire.
Medications like Viagra or Cialis.
Penis rings  are a great thing to use to be able to add sensation to the penis and stop the urge to ejaculate.
Creams that numb the penis.
Self training and learning control.
For any of these things, you should be practicing with solo pleasure first. Doing this first will give you the confidence to take these things that you’ve learned into an experience with a partner.

Erectile Dysfunction
When a man is not able to get or sustain an erection long enough to penetrate. About 1 in 10 men and over 50% of men over the age of 50 have experienced erectile dysfunction.
What are the causes?
Can vary from some physical causes like blood flow or diseases, to psychological issues like anxiety to repressed anger or relationship issues.  
What can help?
Those medications I mentioned earlier like Viagra.
Some herbal options.
Doctors can prescribe self injected medications for men who need to avoid the side effects from Viagra.
Penis pumps; a good pump can produce a firm erection via suction that can last through a love making session. These are a good choice for men who have situational ED caused by insecurity.
And of course there’s couples coaching.

Delayed Ejaculation
Only happens to around 10% of men. It is easy to identify yet is the most difficult concern to treat. This is essentially when a man is feeling like an orgasm is coming on, but can not release with ejaculate.
There are three major factors
Medical causes like retrograde ejaculation or antidepressants
Intimacy issues
Partners can sometimes take on the responsibility for the issue and try harder to make the man reach orgasm but are actually exacerbating the situation
What can help?
If you think it's medical it's worth talking to a doctor
If you're looking at working with a coach or therapist, you're mostly going to be looking at safety issues. Men who don't feel safe enough to let go with a partner really need positive encouragement, nurtur