Today you’ll be hearing from a different voice, my husband Danny. He’s here to talk about his journey in men’s developmental work, and what it’s been like for him so far.
Why did Danny start men's work?
In my background with my friends, it’s been so much of a frat boy kind of lifestyle. And that’s just how I always thought men were. You hold back tears, and you talk shit to each other. You don’t understand or express feelings.
What is men’s work?
The biggest thing for me was getting introduced too it because Rachel had been doing this work with Sex and Love Co, she was light years ahead of me. It really made me curious on what it tended to be like, what these retreats were like, and what these zoom calls were. It was a curiosity, that’s how it all started.
I got on a zoom call with the conscious bro himself, Jordan Bowditch with Sex and Love Co. The call was just this guy bullshittin' on a zoom, asking what I was looking to do, and what I wanted to do with my life.
The first time I jumped into a men’s group was September of 2021. It was zoom calls once a week with about 10 guys. Some of them had already been in their journey, but I hadn’t experienced any of this before. Right off the bat it was “let’s share, who’s willing to share and open up to all these strangers on zoom”. I was the last one to share in the first few zoom calls, or wasn’t expressing or saying what I was feeling, I was just watering everything down.
I took the next men’s group off. I started settling into my new career, I was learning all the things, and getting good at it. I then jumped into the men’s group in August of 2022, Jordan was really pushing me to go to a retreat. Finally I had a call with Jordan and I was really in a “fuck yeah” mood for the whole call, so I said yes, I’m going to this retreat. Rachel had already gone to a couple, and she always come home so inspired, and her body and her mind were so clear to her, so I said it’s my fucking turn.
What was the retreat like?
It was nerve wracking as fuck. I don’t know any of these guys, I’ve never been on a retreat, I don’t know what to expect. But getting to know these guys was awesome, we were all there for the same reason, we’re ready to jump in and take this new growth back home to our loved ones and families. Everyone is there and everyone is ready.
I won’t sugar coat the fact that that time there was the most exhilarating shit I’ve ever gone through in my life. There were tears and laughs and laughs. I feel like I grew a foot taller on just how much I brought back with me.
What did you learn?
All the shit that you can really accumulate as a human being without saying a single word, all the shit that can build up and completely hide away, you just can’t do that, you break yourself down after so long. Being able to express your feelings in front of whoever you need to is really fucking powerful. Let the shit go that you know is holding you back. That’s really the biggest thing I learned, to better myself, and better my abilities as a lover, and as a friend, I need to let my shit go.
What about the post retreat life?
The “hangover” post retreat definitely hit a little bit. The first couple of days you feel like you’re on top of the world, you’re doing everything right and making all the right moves, but it’s so easy to drop back into old habits and tendencies you’ve embedded in your brain. I needed to be more present, more present in life, and with Rachel, because who the fuck wants to sit next to a zombie? It’s such a game changer to be more present and can
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