This week I’m talking to Karin Freeland, an author, certified sex coach, wife, and mom of two kids about her upcoming book, The Ins & Outs of My Vagina A Penetrating Memoir. We’re talking honestly about her experiences, tools and techniques to help women find purpose in their lives, how everyone has different experiences with orgasms and we shouldn’t be comparing our sexual journey to someone else’s, and so much more.
What made Karin write this book, and why now?
After her husband came home to see the aftermath of a failed attempt at a tip recommended by her OBGYN during her first pregnancy that involved a lot of olive oil and a very messy bathroom, he said “Karin, you know what you should do?” You should write a book and call it ‘I don’t know my vagina’ because you clearly have no idea how this works, and maybe you can help other women.” So she did, with a title change of course.
She started writing in 2009, but went back to work, and and forgot about it, life became about the grind, making money, and powerpoints. But then in 2019, she had her midlife crisis, and really felt she was wasting her life and something had to change. She had an epiphany one day, and knew what she had to do. She had to finish her book. So she hired an editor, and it took on a life of its own and it became its own thing.
The world is beginning to change when it comes to sexuality, specifically women’s sexuality, so many women are wanting information, but sometimes it can still be seen as so taboo! Women want to know what’s in the book, but they don’t want people knowing they want it.
How can we start making sex and our bodies less of a taboo subject?
Get comfortable talking about it so then it’s like “oh, so I’m not alone” “oh, you’re actually having an orgasm because you’re on top and you’re grinding and that’s actually clitoral stimulation” It makes so much sense!
Be more curious to ask for more information, ask your best friend how is she having an orgasm every time during sex.
Communicate with our partners what we need to orgasm. No more “okay then, I guess we’re gonna clean up and call it a night” without your orgasm too.
Only 20% of women will achieve an orgasm through penetration. And over 85% need clitoral stimulation.
“Sex became so much more fun for me and my partner because there was a chance that I would actually be able to enjoy myself too.” In order to avoid resentments and frustrations trickling into our relationships we need to get comfortable figuring out how to make each sexual experience the best for both partners.
How will not comparing your sexual journey to other people’s benefit you?
It’s just so freeing, as soon as you go “Oh i don’t need that big house, that’s not part of my goals.” “I don’t need to have an orgasm six times a week, I’m okay with once”. What does happy look like for you, what does a hot sex life look like for you, and you alone? Because it really doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing you’re not experiencing that anyway, so just focus on you.
Why will people want to read this book?
There’s a lot of insights, there are some learnings, but it’s definitely not the self help textbook style, it is a straight memoir and there are just a lot of comedic places, even in the dark times. It’s an easy read. It’ll have you thinking; “Yes, I’ve been there!” or “I've gone through this myself!” That’s what people are going to connect to. It’s going to make people feel normal and seen. You can find the book at TheInsandOutsOfMyVagina.com, Barnes and Nobles online or on Amazon.
Connect with Karin
All things Karin - karinfreeland.com
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