Owning Your Sexual Self

85. Discovering Your Wants, Wills & Wont's

October 04, 2021 Rachel Maine
Owning Your Sexual Self
85. Discovering Your Wants, Wills & Wont's
Show Notes

In this episode we’re diving into my most recent masterclass, and one of my most favorite tools for relationships, my Want, Will, Won’t List. This list will capture and dive a deeper into exactly what you want your sex life to look like and give you the power to create the sex life that you crave.
If you’re looking to try something new, or get a deeper understanding of your and your partner’s desires, this tool and this masterclass is definitely something you want to grab. If you’re single, this allows you to know what lights you up, if a potential partner doesn't like that at all, maybe that's not the person for you. It can help you have some mind blowing sex right away with the people that you do want to connect on a more deeper level with.

What is the Want, Will Won’t list?
In a nutshell, this exercise has all these different activities that you can do sexually, either with yourself or with your partner. On one side of the list it has you as the receiver and on the other side is you as the giver, you will go through and mark either the want, will, or won’t box for each activity.

How to decide if it’s a Want, a Will, or a Won’t
Want- these are the full body, hell yes, give me that, I want that all the time, I can’t imagine my life without that thing in it.
Will-  These are the things that you’re like; okay, if this is something that my partner wants, this is something that they’re going to get pleasure from, I’m willing to do this. 
Won’ts - these are a total no, or a hard limit. It can bring up stress or anxiety, if you feel shame or embarrassment about doing that activity, if it just feels really heavy, or you just get this icky type of feeling about it.

Where should I start?
You’re going to start with the full body hell yeses.
You also want to start on the receiver side of the sheet, it's easier to put yourself in the mindset of being the receiver of this type of pleasure. 
Some things to ask yourself while doing this, “Would I feel sexually fulfilled if this activity weren’t in my life?” “Am l comfortable asking for this activity?” “Does it stir up excitement?” “Does it make me want to lean in, or lean away?”

What to do after we’ve filled out the list?
On the last page I’ve left space for you to fill in your top 10 wants in order of excitement. Having access to yours and your partners top 10 activities allows you to create amazing, epic date nights with each other. 
Create a safe word for the bedroom. Now that you and your partner have created this manifest, you might start trying some new things, so making sure you have this safe word created can be so important. 
Don’t think that just because you filled this out once, that's it.  Sexuality is so fluid, our interests and desires, our wants and needs constantly changing. I would suggest you do this once or twice a year, it might be so eye opening to see what changes.

The amazing thing about this list is, after you go through, and you and your partner fill out these things,  you have created your maifest of your sexuality. Here is the guide to all of my pleasures and all the things I want and seek in the bedroom.
Being able to give your partner the things that they want sexually can be such a game changer. Being willing to participate in a partner's wants, is one of the sexiest gifts you can give somebody.  So, what are you waiting for?

Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]